Saturday, October 22, 2005 10:55 PM
Im becoming VERY depressed... i need a counciler... i feel lyk eating sleeping pills till i die... life is nothing 2 me...
1stly, ya, broke up wif my best fren, dun noe wat 2 do... i always say tings at the wrong time... at the wrong place... at the wrong... i dun noe... my head is freakin pain... 2ndly, i fought wif my mother 2day and i feel so guilty... its lyk im venting my fustrations on her... im very guilty... sorri ma... although u ar oso at wrong... well, she used a metal stick(the 1 u use 2 hang ur clothes) to whack the back of my head cos' i made her so angry... and i almost blacked out and fainted... blood came out and i was scared... but i was angry... tat was wat kept me awake... i wanted 2 kill... my mother ignored me and went into her room and locked her door...
the 3rd ting i oso dun noe... its lyk im angry wif the whole world... i dun noe wat 2 do... let me tell u wat im tinking abt if u c me daydreaming: im living on a place called earth, there ar buildings around me, technology, and most importantly...life... every1 has a religion... and dey believe tat when dey die dey go 2 a place, 4 example... hell or heaven... where we will most lykly find peace... and we still hav our memories wif us until we "reincarnate"...BUT... wat if the Big Bang never occured... wat if there is no such ting as hell or heaven... wat if there is no such ting as... LIFE?... wat if there was no earth... no such ting as planets... no such ting as the universe...? where would we b?... or where would our souls go?... we would jus disappear... and we would not hav memories... u can oni describe this wif 1 word... FEAR.... yes, tis is wat i hav every single day... fear of hurting my frens feelings... fear of losing all my frens... fear of dieing... fear of failing my exams... and fear of EVERY SINGLE THING ON EARTH!
yes, tat is wat im always tinking abt...
2day went out wif sum of my most trustable frens(my pri sch frens), went wif ZhiHui 2 eat lunch and meet 2 of his sch frens... doreen and kyna... well, im feeling so sick... i mean i hav a fever... yes and i continue wif my life... lol... then went 2 play basketball and soccer wif my pri sch frens until my hand is all sprained and in pain... ... then talk abt crap... our previous crushes... and many other things...
u can c my life is veri interesting... but in a bad way... *sigh*... my feeling of fear stared when i was in pri3, when i met a person called WeiJian. he's a sucker who gangs up wif his frens 2 bully me every freakin single day... without fail... and im always left alone wif no1 or no frens 2 talk 2... and tat is when i started being VERY reluctant 2 come 2 skool... every1 calls me names... and i get bullied everywhere i go... i get called a crybaby... and tolerate all these nonsense everyday... all these nonsense still continues into my secondary skool life...argh!!!...but no matter how hard i tolerate... i can never remove the fear in my heart again...
i wan 2 say sorri 2 those i've wronged and shown my attitude to... from 2day onwards... i will become a changed person... wif the feeling of fear in my heart increasing everyday... i dun tink i can tolerate any longer... bye...gtg...
