Sunday, February 19, 2006 10:53 PM
nth much 2day... at A maths tuition got one cute girl kip turning back and look at me and smile oni... lol... morning went to eat a vegetarian meal wif my mum and her frens... i did so much to dissapoint her and she still treat me so well... i really regret... i have so many problems... so many until i dunno where to begin... nvrm... den after the meal is my tuition... i tink i dressed quite well today... haha... ... den after my tuition... i went to visit my grandmother... tat was when i felt tat regretful feeling... jus looking at my grandmother having difficulty walking abt... and can do anyting except cooking, walking, sitting, bathing and watching tv... i really feel so useless... my mother is now ignoring me... i feel so regretful... i wan to help... but i always make a nuisance of myself... haiz...
den after tat i toked wif felicia on the fone for quite long... emin's rite... felicia's crap really CAN make u happy :)... but of course... for me its only short term... i went to tenchi to meet emin for a while... and i rented a com to kill time... i played maple... and realised it can quite kip my troubles away temporary... so i played till emin went home wif her fren and until 9pm... i went to my grandma's hse to eat dinner... my mum was totally ignoring me... she nvr even tok to me... even when we came home... i feel damn useless... i want to apologise... but sumting inside me asks me to hold back bcos next time when i move out wif my father i dun noe how to keep the strong guilty conscience inside me from acting up 24hours... i really dun wan to noe... ppl... let me ask u sumting... will u choose to have a good life wif little frens or a bad life wif a lot of frens? pls answer me... pls... im really damn depressed now... i dunnoe wad to do wif my life... every step i take i will end up wif either sadness, anger, depression or hate... i really dun noe wad to do... there's a light of hope in front of me... but it will take lots of determination to get dere... and i dun noe if i can hold out till the end... sumone save me... pls console me... i always make the wrong decisions impulsively and end up regreting them... i need someone to guide me... my parents are hopeless... i have no siblings to depend on... so i count on my frens... but i always ask myself: are they dependable? ... i wan to stop living... but i noe tis is also an impulsive decision i will regret later on again... so wad should i do? haiz...
I FEEL LIKE I DON'T KNOW THIS FEELING CALLED "HAPPINESS" ANYMORE...
