Monday, August 18, 2008 7:08 PM
i will survive. or rather, i must survive.
theres still some light left in that dark sky.
i must put aside all problems/traumatising events/ etc. if i dont, ha. disaster.
i feel the happygolucky marcus disappearing. zz. everyone says: "i hate people putting on a facade" or "just be yourself" or "whats the point of acting?" ok so i just be myself and what happens? i kenna suan, kenna asked to shut myself up. ok fuck, my fault, my whole fucking fault. if one day i burst, i'll tell these people what their lives have been up to, and i'll ask them where the fuck did they get the right to ask me to shut the fuck up. i'll find every single fault with them, and i'll make sure they get their minds right.
when you see me happy, im really happy. i hate bottling up all my feelings. when u get me angry i'll throw all my temper at you. naive i am, but please guide me. im still learning to be a good human here.
big thanks to my pw group really. i love you all. zhengyi jq huixin and chongmei. im okay already! reeaaallly.
sunday was a bad day for me really. i really miss my grandparents when they used to be like about 10 years ago. i liked them, i loved them. but only after my grandfather pass away, did i really had the urge to talk to him. i regret my actions in the past when i used to like hate him. my mother was biased against them and used to force bad things about them into my head. only after my parent's divorce did i really treasure them. but its too late i guess. all i have left is my half-senile grandmother. i love her, but i dont know why sometimes my actions just have to go against my feelings.
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CONGRATS TO SINGAPORE TABLE TENNIS WOMEN'S TEAM!
nice silver u got there, haha
changed my handphone number already! so people, if u still dont have my number just ask me on msn yeah. (:
looks like 4hours of detention was good training. didnt sleep today siahh, ok maybe except for 1min in GP in which clement woke me up and said: ah, see, sleep again. lol. went to eat at tp with clement jq and zy, clement went off to his doctor and we walked around searching for a barber for zy but failed lol. all too ex. so everyone went home. and i knocked off in the bus again. i think my body has gotten too used to the long rides ba, and the timing in which i wake up is like almost perfect also, haha
needs:
a cure for my food poisoning.
to do homework.
wants:
bball shoes.
backpack!
this is the first time in my life im facing retaining so seriously. its like smack in my face: MARCUS YOU'RE GONNA BE DEAD. so scared, but at the same time too scared until im lost for neither words nor actions.
im praying for a miracle.
