Sunday, October 19, 2008 8:09 PM
****ed up. every weekend i must fall sick. wats this man. z
friday went to play table tennis a while with the eds, azman debbie and hanif, den went home and slept till 8 plus, totally sick like crap.
saturday still sick like crap so didnt go tuition. zh came my house to swim use gym and zao.
today feeling so much better. pw meeting was damn funny, thought of so many funny ideas hahaha. zy jq and i went to da bao macs, den continued with the OP. didnt finish the whole script but the overall idea is there. the introduction will be LOL. get ready for a big laugh. hahahahhaa
feeling so inferior siah. i go to JYMS's blogs, read abt their days, and i didnt know any of their problems or anything, didnt even know that they were feeling that way. i go to HADE's blogs, read about their outings and fun things they do together, compare them to myself? play com at home, go out a while come back, do work, etc. boring life? duh. a bit sad. people have their lives, their dreams. i just cant seem to get mine.
not only my classmates. even my friends in polys and my primary school friends. they are having so much fun, so much laughter, so much joy. i gave up so many outings with them because of me getting sick or going out with my classmates. i missed joshua's and jasper's birthday recently, bball outings with them they had to postpone just for me, but when its their big day, i just had to miss it. jieying's birthday too, because of promos, i had to miss it too. close friends they are, they say they dont mind, but deep inside me i feel that im letting them down. its not that i dont like my class or anything, but im seriously starting to miss primary and secondary school. i wanna hit the rewind button, if there is one. im making so much effort right now, but i realise(or think) that its something like a one-sided effort. after that incident with zy, i feel im so lonely in class. he was one of the few i could pour my heart out to. and he was also the one who updated me on the happenings in class, knowing the blur attitude that i have. when i asked anyone else they would say, "cannot tell", "u dunno one", "nothing nothing". etc. i treasured the friendship i had with him but i think i did something wrong or went too far with something? assumptions on my part? i hope so. i love t31. i love my pw group. i love my friends.
maybe [
see no evil, hear no evil] is the solution?
falling sick is becoming my forte, just fuck myself.
and no, i dont hide my feelings in school. im truly happy in class, when i see my friends and be with them. im happy, and thats all im content with.
tuesday is getting nearer, good, i just wanna get my fate over and done with. anticipation is not my best friend.
i need a, listening ear? maybe. or maybe i should just get sit back and live my life until its time. when im 50, i'll look toward heaven and say "thank god, its close". 60, "near, near". 70, "maybe its tomorrow".
when you only got a 100 years to live..
