BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. WHY MUST WE WAIT FOR ONE WHOLE WEEK TO TAKE ONE SMALL LITTLE MCQ WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT MAKE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN OUR A OR B OR S OR U. THERE'S ALWAYS ONE SMALL LITTLE NAGGING IN MY MIND SAYING "there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq there's still an mcq."


well, maybe not that small. BUT STILL. tsk.


next monday, it will be ALL OVER :D mahjong pool and whatever comes, muahahahahah. today's mahjong at edmund's place with sy and matthew is EPIC. ya, seriously, mahjong is TIRING. i dunno why, just sitting there and thinking is crazy. crazy piece of shit. can just stone. siyuan's epic winning streak is imba. -.- LUCKY ONLY. the blazer i bought is fail. i dunno but i think its fail. yes edmund, its fail. maybe not epic fail. but yah, a bit fail. nb. should i buy another one? or should i just heck and and get a nice shirt to buck it up? lol. marcus needs more shopping done and he needs lots of advise because this is the very first prom night, or rather, the very first formal event he's going to. yes, he's a very good boy. no drugs no alcohol, gambling? well. maybe?


no, i must resist. and anyway, seriously, something is pissing me off so bad i just want to kill him, no, should be "it", two times over again. IT doesnt deserve to even be human because he just doesnt know what the HUMAN attitude is. just DIE and DIE AGAIN. idiotic. or rather, *****. nah, should just heck care. who knows? the world might really end in 2012, enjoy our last days my homies.


eh, just dont care about this post, because i feel this is seriously purely just my rants :D hope army just gives up on me and just let me go to university straight lol.


WILL I? WILL I? WILL? I?

being in the midst of the one week break made me think about life after A's already. i dont seem to have an aim. O.o and my lung injury made me so contricted. i cant do so many activities that i planned to do for myself. blessing in disguise? i truly hope it is.


so, prom preparations aka buying clothes going on now. i wanna play more pool and i wanna just stick in front of my com :D as for A's, i studied like i never studied before and i already tried my best for all the papers. as for the careless mistakes, heck. whether i get good grades or not, i will not regret, or rather i think i shouldnt feel regretful, right.


so its time for play.


dota, cycling, tonning whatever lol. i need to make ic and go back to cmpb to see the doctor again.

from prospects of a pilot, to pes A, to probability of either pes B or C, to a 75% confirmation of a pes E. looks like pigs are gonna fly.

exams period are always the fastest period in our lives. its the time leading up to it thats slow lol. it seems like only yesterday it was the 4th of november, gensen's birthday. and poof, it became koko crunch. i mean, in a blink of 2 eyes, it is now already the 16th. woah? and i spent most of the time on farmville i think. lol, dota is like so yesterday. wait till the 24th of november, i'll make it my everyday, haha.


speaking of which, HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY on my blog to gensen, benjamin and debra (:


one more thing which has always been on my mind is going to genting with bros. i've been there many times, but i really want to experience that with friends. its the best place to hang out really. but with my lung on the verge of having another attack, i wonder whether my father will let me go. i should really just concentrate on my qi gong and getting better right now first. and of course A levels -_-

1 more week left to partial freedom.


it is human for us to want to win arguments. it is human for us to want to pinpoint every bad the other party has done in an argument. but sometimes we just have to take a step back, look at the whole picture, and see how inhuman we are while doing what is human.


being out of hospital is just like running on an open field filled with lavender flying a kite while running freely alongside the one you love. sounds wonderful aint it. lol

This post was made so as to increase my total number of posts to 667 instead of 666. i dont wanna take A Levels with bad luck on my side lol.


good luck everyone (:

lol im finally home, but everything seems so alien. a week passed has felt like a year ._.


okay, the plan now is just to concentrate on study, concentrate on what my father will be teaching me, guiding me towards fitnesse, and to punch whoever who deals any amount of force to the left side of my chest. dont even try. one bit of force to my chest enough me to change my course of direction and follow newton's first law will feel an opposite but unequal force right into his face, or maybe if i miss then somewhere else lol


anyway, i just have to make sure no one even goes near my left side, because the stitches still hurt a lot. furthermore the muscles and flesh the tube has to poke through hasnt even fully healed. those who can notice will see me walking slanted to one side haha, and i have to walk super slowly.


the week's hospital stay has made me feel like A Levels has passed a long time ago, zz.


anyway, a big THANK YOU to those who gave words of care and concern to me and helped me to do so many things while i was stuck inside there. and special THANKS to those who came all the way to changi (mind you, changi is not like sgh or kkh where its more accessible lol) to visit me, bros, amelia, siyuan matthew and edmund even though u guys have to study. yeah thanks so much. and i really want to go back to thank the nurses. they were so kind to me and kept asking how was my study going on etc. and i was the only teenager in the whole ward so they could talk to me much easily than other patients. the goodbyes they gave me when i left the hospital made me felt like another phase of my life has ended. like how we graduate from school. im going to miss the people there. but im certainly not going to miss BEING there.


chronicles of marcus and his miserable days spent in hospital.
END

seventh day in hospital and I'M GOING HOME. ONE WHOLE FREAKING WEEK.


what happens when MARCUS MEETS LIBERTY? sadly he cant do it now because theres A Levels in 2 days. joke. now i have only 2 days to REALLY STUDY. im screwed for life.


waiting for my dad to come and fetch me now, woah, 900+ bill. luckily got insurance lol. i miss eating mcspicy ><

please please please let me be discharged tomorrow. goodbye to sixth day in hospital.

sixth day in hospital, 12.39pm. chest tube removed. now the stitches are very pain. it also feels weird to be able to walk freely again. seems like i forgot how to walk

sixth day in hospital, 10.38am. doctor said that the chest tube will be taken out today! they clamped my tube at 2am, which i didnt even know, and took my x-ray at 6am. all was good and i was given the clear to take the chest tube out, observe me for 1 to 2 days, and if all is fine im good to go. just waiting for my chest tube to be taken out now, quick lah. zz


freak man, i'll be missing all my tuitions today. have to count on you guys to help me get tips already (:

10.11pm, fifth day going on the sixth day in hospital.


i just got jacked. bloody inefficient cgh people. i swear if i have the choice i'll never come back here again. they told me in the morning that the bubbling has stopped, which means that either the lung has healed or the tube is blocked. so the plan was to do 3 x-rays. one with the tube, one with the tube clamped, and one with the tube taken out. i was supposed to wait for 4 hours with the tube clamped before i took the next x-ray. but boy oh boy, i took the first xray at 1pm, second one was scheduled to be at 5pm with the tube clamped for 4 hours. but they came to tell me that it was too late, doctors have gone home and if anything happens to you when the tube is taken out is quite risky cos the doctors present are not really specialists in the area. and so i was told to tolerate the tube for one more day -_-


jokers.


oh well, at least im used to the pain already. just that my back hurts from lying down and sitting for so long, a week already. zzz

fifth day in hospital 11am. wow, my longest hospital stay ever, and more to come. good news today, at least i hope it is. when the doctor checked my chest tube container today, there is no more bubbling, which means that my lung has HEALED. but the doctor has to be an epic spoil-sport and a dumb pessimist to say that there is a possibility that the tube is blocked either by clotted blood, fluids, or the tube is bent. freak. lah. no, my confidence will prevail. i believe that my lung has HEALED.


going to do 3 x-rays later on. one with chest tube on. one with chest tube clamped for 4 hours, meaning to deliberately block the chest tube to see whether my lung will collapse without the tube or not. if the 2 x-rays are successful. the chest tube will be removed and another x-ray will be done. if all 3 x-rays are good..


MARCUS HAS PREVAILED.


provided that this freaking pneumothorax doesnt come back again. choi, touch wood. appetite has improved tremendously. unlike the first 2-3 days, dont feel like eating anything at all.


i seriously hope my lung has healed. if not the chest tube will be continued and i will continue to emo again.

oh, i just found a kitten in farmville, what the? this is the first time i heard of a cat in farmville lol.


fourth day in hospital, my lung has fully re-expanded. but theres still a leakage. emo now. doctors have a very low sense of humour btw. i just hope the leakage heals imba-ly now. go hole go! father insisted on NO SURGERY. so no surgery for me. and thus, i guarantee this will be a damn long stay in hospital. at least for the first week of A Levels. sigh. ms ng has been msging me all day and brother paul just gave me a call. looks like im the first person after a long time to have to take exams outside school. joke sia marcus. leaving cjc in style indeed.


the wound today was especially painful. especially after the change of the bandages. fuck, i swear, thats the worse pain i've had in my life. i was studying maths halfway btw, and i had no choice but to lie down and just sleep. the pain just kept coming. my father intends to teach me qi gong after im discharged so that my injuries can heal faster. yes! looking forward.


i must study.

i hope and pray tomorrow will be a better day, byebye wednesday.

5.24pm dinner looks good. but i think im developing a phobia for tubes.

still the third day in hospital. 2.28pm. the pain has become part of me, its like a norm and im ignoring all the pain. im looking at the clouds again today. theres no dog, no evil monster. but i see a cow with wings. hurts.


hurts to see everyone well and alive while im lying here like a disabled man needing everyone to serve him. they say every experience is a lesson, but i feel this lesson is so far the most important in my life. out of the 5 patients including me in the room, 3 has been discharged today, and all at the same time too. leaving me and another old man who has suffered from cancer. well i dont usually talk to him, but he suddenly came up to me and told me of his experiences in cancer. it seriously sucks. lucky for me, i can speak hokkien, otherwise i cant even converse with him. just a few minutes of talking to him and i already feel i can emphatise with him. i know i can never feel how an old man like him feels about life, but i promise, i will treasure life.


i dont care about surgery or no surgery, i dont care about exam or no exam. i just want to get better , to feel better, to experience liberty again. because right now, it hurts.

third day in hospital. 9.45am. no signs of improvement. well there is improvement in terms of the lung re-expanding. but the hole is there, so there is no use. the chest tube sucks and sucks and i slowly count down to the day i can finally remove. every minute seems like an hour to me and the pain is just irritating and intolerable to every extent. i just want to cry and jump off the 9th floor, but i have my obligations. i want to stay alive and watch those people i hate fall. fall right down on their faces.


i was given some false hope this morning. the doctor told me i can remove the chest tube. but another doctor came in and said that there was the danger of the lung collapsing right after the tube is removed. so i have to tolerate for at least another day. doctor also said that i must have surgery to seal the lung. but father says no. no surgery. i cant decide. i have no power. i can only tolerate the pain and i cant do any shit further. fuck the pain. fuck studying. fuck A levels. cry and die.


DAMN PAIN.

marc
10/12/91
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