Wednesday, November 04, 2009 11:55 AM
third day in hospital. 9.45am. no signs of improvement. well there is improvement in terms of the lung re-expanding. but the hole is there, so there is no use. the chest tube sucks and sucks and i slowly count down to the day i can finally remove. every minute seems like an hour to me and the pain is just irritating and intolerable to every extent. i just want to cry and jump off the 9th floor, but i have my obligations. i want to stay alive and watch those people i hate fall. fall right down on their faces.
i was given some false hope this morning. the doctor told me i can remove the chest tube. but another doctor came in and said that there was the danger of the lung collapsing right after the tube is removed. so i have to tolerate for at least another day. doctor also said that i must have surgery to seal the lung. but father says no. no surgery. i cant decide. i have no power. i can only tolerate the pain and i cant do any shit further. fuck the pain. fuck studying. fuck A levels. cry and die.
DAMN PAIN.
