Monday, January 26, 2009 10:21 PM
chinese new year has been modernized too much over the years, i realised. families allowing their children to go out with their friends on chinese new year days. people getting/giving red packets for the sake of money. children not appreciating the importance of the reunion dinner. and the filial peity.
sigh.y'know, i can bet that you cant find a very very very faithful taoist nowadays, especially in modernized Singapore.
and thats why im proud to be one.every year, my father tells me his same old stories about his past, about his encounters with fortune tellers, about his sufferings throughout his life, about his fate, about our family, about the suffering my family has gone through the past centuries, about the encounters with the unbelievable my family has gone through, about how he himself got dragged into praying.
if it was someone else, most likely, he or she will not appreciate. one ear in, the other ear out. i listen, and listen, and think. thoroughly.
i can tell many many true stories regarding my religion to everyone around me, but at least 1 out of 100 will say its all superstition, bullshit, rubbish, and some may try to act interested and all etc.
whatever, thats why i dont like to tell much about my family.no offence to anyone but, people talk a lot about christianity these days. how they love to go to church, make new friends, say prayers everyday. there are many reasons to love christianity. i respect that, sometimes i even ask myself, why did i not convert? christianity is so convenient, anywhere, any place, just put your hands together, bow your heads, and pray. furthermore, u can make new friends in church.
for taoism, u have to kneel, pray to the altars where the statues are. go vegetarian on certain days. offer food on certain days. many many other things. not really anyone is willing to go through all that just to.. pray.
the reason why i stay so faithful, is because i find it.. mystical, interesting, and so real. many of the people may not believe the events i tell them, but i've actually seen some events with my own eyes.
my ancestors, including my grandfather and father, are all martial artists. qi gong, yong chun, tai ji etc etc. im the only one, who was deemed unfit for martial arts. my family said, it now all boils down to me, to change the fate of our family. my grandfather had many children, none of them had sons. rebritution has dawned on most of them, for reasons i shall not expose. therefore, i am the last remaining descendent of the Tan family.
the burdens lie on me.i also just realised today, that i am of an older generation compared to the people who are the same age as me. for example, my father can be of the same generation as most of my friends' grandparents. so im considered the same generation as most of my friends' parents. how wonderful, haha. good or bad, time will tell.
but for now, im determined to change the fate of the route my family is going to take. history shall not interfere.and it all boils down to me. this burden, no one can emphatize. no one.***
today's bai nian was as usual as every year. just that my bai nian isnt the usual bai nian to everyone. my bai nian is to go visit my father's nanny when he was little, and his nanny's son and his sons. haha, reasons? long story ): ang paos i get are very little, but its the thought that counts. the tradition, just amazes me.
for the whole freaking day, my lunch was curry with bread. dinner curry with rice. and in the middle was tidbits all the way. some way to spend my first day of lunar new year.
just finished watching INKHEART with my family. borred me to death. no review for it. 1 star our of five. fuck it. that was the very first show which made me sleepy. -___-
deathrebritution for those who stand in my way.
